Never Alone, The Quiet Moments
by WanderingChild-InWinter
Summary: A series of one shots that take place in the "Never Alone" Universe. Aka, the continued adventures of the Solo family!
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Hey guys! Soooo, Even though I finished the actual story of "Never Alone" I wasn't done with that version of Rey and Ben, cause they're super dear to my heart. So I've created this story, which will basically be a collection of one shots throughout the years of their relationship. There won't really be a chronological order to them, like one could take place twenty five years in and the next could be something that happened six months in. I'm even open to taking some requests for things you wanted to see of Ben and Rey from that Universe!**_

 _ **If you haven't read "Never Alone" then you will probably be a little confused about what's going on here, I.E. these one shots will all contain O.C's from that story. But if you like some good Reylo feels, welllll, you'll certainly find them here!**_

 _ **Today we're starting with something written in honor of Mother's day, and takes place during Rey's fourth pregnancy. Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **Yes, Again.**_

She had discovered very quickly into her relationship with Ben that she very rarely woke before he did. It seemed that even if she woke up at the crack of dawn or in the middle of the night to feed one of their children, he was always awake first. So catching him still sound asleep beside her when she woke up was a rarity, and one that she loved dearly.

They'd been together for almost six years now, and she was still struck every single day by how handsome he was. He had his father's roguish good looks, though he'd resent being called scruffy looking, and his mother's regal bearing. He was perfect. He was beautiful. He was hers. He was her husband, her partner in all things, and the father of three absolutely perfect, beautiful little girls. Magdalena had been up all night with a nasty cough, which was probably why her husband was still slumbering beside her.

In the quiet moments like this, it was impossible to believe that six years ago the galaxy had been at war, torn apart and dangerously close to being overcome by darkness. They'd helped put an end to that. They'd been asked time and time again to join in the new government, to be public figures, but each time they'd said no. they didn't need the attention.

All either of them had ever really wanted was a place they could belong. They had that together. They had that on the veranda of the home that had once belonged to Ben's grandmother while their daughter's played in the setting sun, and his arms were wrapped snugly around her waist. They had that in the cries of their daughter's when they needed mama or papa. They had it in the arms of friends and family who were frequent visitors to their home. They had that in their bed when every time they made love to each other as passionately as if it were the first time.

It had been almost three years since Meg had been born, and she couldn't deny that she had started to feel the longing for another child. She'd dreamed of a large family for a long time. Her own family, of her flesh and blood, and the flesh and blood of the man she loved more than anyone. And she hadn't given up hope of a little boy yet. She was still young, and so was Ben, even though some days he claimed that he was much, much too old for chasing after the girls. He always said it with a teasing glint in his eye, the look that reminded her most of his handsome father.

She'd had her appointment to have her birth control implant replaced yesterday, and she hadn't done it. She'd had the old one removed and was prepared to let them place the new one under the skin of her hip, but she'd stopped them, and just gone home. She'd meant to discuss it with Ben, really she had. But Meg had been so sick, and they'd been distracted. They'd been sitting up with her in shifts all night. It was only a few hours ago she'd finally fallen asleep.

And she wasnt quite sure how to broach the topic now. He'd long since gotten over the fear about having children that had gripped him, albeit briefly after Gemma had lost so much of her force ability. She did grow stronger with the force by the day, and Rey knew that it did a great deal to heal his heart. But would he want another baby? Hed said once, years ago, that he would give her as many children as her heart desired. Did he still feel that way?

Her eyes trailed over his face again, flickering to the map of beauty marks and freckles along his skin that was still pale even though he'd spent so many years without his mask. He really was beautiful, like the regal princes in the stories she read to the girls.

"Goodmorning." She starts a little at the sound of his voice. His eyes weren't open yet, but he clearly knew she was awake, and she'd been caught spying. "Don't be embarrassed. I'm flattered."

"Shut up." She giggles quietly as he opens his eyes and kisses her gently on the mouth. "Good morning."

"How do you get more beautiful every day?" He asks, and he cups her cheek in his hand.

"I do not."

"Don't fight me on this. I won't give in. Not when I'm right." He says firmly, leaving no room for arguing. She sighs and twists her face, kissing his palm. She takes a moment to feel through the house with the force, finding all three girls still asleep. It wasn't surprising. Meg was sick, and now that she was settled, she'd be out for several hours. Amara always slept like the dead. Gemma had stayed up well past her bedtime trying to play nurse for her sister, and would likely sleep as long as her sisters did. "What's on your mind?"

"Hm?"

"Your head. It's sort of...jumbled. Like you've got a lot on your mind. I knew you wanted to talk to me about something yesterday, but I never got a chance to ask." His fingers trail along her shoulders and he pulls her into his arms. "So, I'm asking now. What's going on?"

"I want to have another baby." She says without ceremony, and she feels his surprise.

"You...you want to have another baby?" He repeats, twisting back so he can look at her face more easily.

"I went to my appointment yesterday, and I was going to get the implant again, I really was. But then I thought about it, and I realized, I didn't want to get it. I want you to get me pregnant again." She admits, and she feels her cheeks flame. "I know we already have the three girls, and I'm very happy with that, I love them all so, so much, but I just think we could handle a fourth, and I still do want a boy- so I guess, what I mean to say is...well...we've talked about having more children, and I think now's the time."

"Say it again." Ben says, and when she catches his eyes she sees how dark they are.

"I want another baby?" She says, and he shakes his head.

"No, the other thing. You did say one day you'd ask me…" He trails off as if caught in a pleasant memory, and suddenly she remembers too. She sits up and grabs his hands in her own, biting her lip shyly. She's almost nervous, even though she's positive she knows what his reaction is going to be.

"Ben, I want you to fill me with your child again." her voice trembles even though she's sure of what she's saying. "I want you to make love to me, and put another baby in me." She kisses his knuckles, and delights in the obvious effect her words are having on her husband. "Ben, please, would you make me pregnant again?" In mere seconds he's got her pinned to their mattress, the delicious weight of him pressing her into it.

"Force, that's the sexiest thing you've ever said to me!" he growls, and he kisses her hard. She gasps in delight as his mouth trails down to her neck, and his teeth nip along the line of it. She revels in his attentions for a moment, and then pushes him back with a little aid from the force. She climbs over his lap, and pins his hands over his head, twining their fingers together.

"You didn't answer my question." She says teasingly as she kisses to the sensitive spot just behind his ear.

"Mm...maybe you'll have to ask me again." she sits up and releases his hands, making quick work of the pajama shirt she'd been wearing- the one that matched the silky bottoms he was wearing- and she wraps her arms around his neck, pressing the skin of her chest against his as he sits up to embrace her.

"Ben, will you give me another baby?" She whispers, and he kisses her with more tenderness than before. And then kisses her softly twice more. "Well?"

"Yes." he nods once, and she can't keep the giant smile from spreading across her face.

"Yes?" She confirms, and he kisses her again.

"Yes." He gently pushes her back so that she's lying on the bed, her hair fanned around her head like a halo as he gently pulls her underwear down her legs, leaving her bare before him, and absolutely trembling with need. "So beautiful…" He kisses his way up her leg slowly, and she squeals with impatience, not giving a womprat's ass that she's not being dignified. When he finally reaches her apex, he lets out a low, possessive growl; she's always ready for him, but she's rarely so hot and desperate.

"Ben, I need you. Right now." She gasps, and his eyes flash up to her face, the look in them enough to tip her over the edge. He pulls off his clothes quickly, and climbs up her body, peppering her skin with kisses along the way. She twines their fingers together above her head, and keeps her eyes locked with his as he presses home inside of her. The bond that runs between them is singing, and she feels so close to him that her heart could burst. They'd made love more times than she could ever count, but she'd never be used to the way it felt, the physical and the emotional. And she never expected it to be intense enough that they're bodies were enveloped in a purple glow, and yet…

"I need you to come for me." He whispers in her ear, and kisses her lips hungrily. Her body seems more than willing to obey, pulsing with pleasure as he finds his own release. She feels it deep inside of her, and she nearly comes again just from the feeling. They stay tangled together for what could be seconds or hours, and he finally rolls off of her and onto his back, tugging her with him. She nuzzles into his chest, which is still her favorite pillow even after all this time.

"That was…"

"Possibly the best yet?" He finishes for her, and she grins at him. One of his hands comes up to span across her stomach, and she clasps her hand on top of it.

"Do you think it happened?" She asks, glancing up at him.

"Impossible to say yet." He shrugs. "But I am more than willing to keep up the effort."

"Ben!"

"Over and over again, really. I will not rest until you've got my baby growing inside of you."

"Ben…" She bites her lip and feels her skin flush.

"And why stop there, when you're so sexy when you're full of my child?" His hand starts to trail down her abdomen and she trembles in anticipation. "I think I'll have to keep making love to you every day for the rest of our lives. You're too beautiful, too tempting for anything else." He sweeps her up in another kiss, and she thanks the maker that the kids are still sleeping soundly.

…

She wakes up in the middle of the night two weeks later to find her husband staring at her, his eyes wide, and his hands trembling a litte. She rubs the sleep from her eyes and props herself up on her elbows.

"What is it? Ben? Did you have a nightmare?" She asks softly, and he shakes his head. "Is something wrong?" He shakes his head again. "Ben it's the middle of the night, what…" He reaches out his hand and pushes up the tank top she'd put on before bed, exposing her midriff to the cool night air. "Ben?" She chokes as he presses his lips above her navel, and then up to her mouth. "Did you...what's going on?" She sits up quickly now, and puts a hand on her flat stomach. He puts his hand over hers, and closes his eyes, delving deeper into their bond, pulling her with him, and she gasps. Sure enough she feels it, a flicker like a candle, a force signature alongside of her own, almost as if it's braided with the strings of hers.

"You're pregnant." he says softly, and she throws her arms around his shoulders. He laughs softly as he wraps his arms around her waist, and kisses her hair over and over again. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"How did you know- did it wake you?" Rey asks, pulling back just far enough to look into his eyes.

"No, I...Couldn't sleep tonight." He says and she frowns. "Hey, it's alright. It's a happy occasion, I'm so glad I was awake for it."

"But you were...you couldn't sleep?" She asks anxiously. He wont meet her eyes. "Oh Ben…"

"It's fine. Really. I don't want to think about it. I just want to think about this baby." He kisses her forehead, and traces his hand over her stomach. "I wonder if I finally made you a boy."

"It really doesn't matter. I'll love them boy or girl." She assures him. "But you...Oh."

"Right. Oh." He mutters as he slowly withdraws from her.

"Hey- don't do that. Come here." He doesn't move, so she grabs his hand and clutches it tight. "I know that today is always going to be hard for you-"

"And it should be!"

"Ben, you know that your father forgave you. Even while he was dying, you know he forgave you for it." She says, tracing her thumb over the back of his hand. "I saw it in his eyes in your memory. I know he did."

"I...I know. But I can't accept that. Especially not today. Not when he's been gone Six years." His voice is thick with emotion, and his eyes glimmer with unshed tears. "I'm sorry." He slams his fist into the mattress, and she rolls over, pressing her full weight against him and kissing his lips very softly. "He might have forgiven me, but I'll never forgive myself. And seeing the girls...I think he would have loved them, in his way. He would have tried really hard for them. And I...I took away his chance."

"No. no, he gave you yours." Rey whispers. "His death, however horrible it was, it was what broke you open. I may have slipped in through the cracks before him, may have opened them wider, but his death was what really made you doubt Snoke, doubt the darkness. It prepared you to break free for Gemma. He gave you your best chance the only way he knew how. You're a father, Ben. I know you know how he felt. I know you'd die to save any one of our children. Wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would, I love them!"

"And you'd forgive them anything, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

"I think...I think your father knew, going out onto that bridge, that he wasn't going to be leaving alive. He had such an air of finality about him. Even I sensed it, and I could barely figure out what the force was at that point." She strokes his hair away from his eyes, and brushes a few errant tears off of his cheeks. "He sacrificed himself so that you'd have the best chance at finding yourself again. And you did. You honor his memory every day by being the best damn father and husband in the galaxy. By calling your mother, and making sure she's alright, and that she knows she's loved. By passing on his bloodline, and making the galaxy safe for them...Ben, don't you see? That's all he ever wanted for you." He kisses her softly, and she tucks her face into the crook of his neck.

"I am sorry for not controlling this...I wanted the memory of finding out about this child to be-"

"Don't. Don't you dare." She shakes her head. "I'm so, so happy about this child. About giving you another child, about getting to hold them and love them. About telling the girls they're going to have a new sibling. You haven't made anything bad, Ben. I wouldn't change a moment."

…..

They decide not to tell anyone for a little while, and keep it between themselves. He's more protective now, like he always was when she carried his child, but she didn't mind. Most of the time she thought it was sweet. And he was extra attentive to her every need, be it waking up to get her a glass of water, massaging her sore ankles, or taking the girls out on an adventure so she could sleep when she needed to.

They manage to keep it a secret for almost a whole month, and even that seems an amazing feat since their daughters had all seemed suspicious for weeks. More than once she'd caught Amara and Gemma whispering to each other and staring at her. Even Meg would look at her with narrowed eyes, as if finding a change to her mother but unable to put her chubby little finger on what it was. In the end it's Gemma who outs her.

"You aren't sick, are you mommy?" her almost six year old asks as she clutches tightly to a pretty doll that her grandmother had sent her. Amara and Meg had both been put down for their naps, but Gemma had stubbornly insisted she didn't need one. She had finally settled in for a cuddle on the sofa with mama while her father was picking up the mess he and Amara had made playing some goofy made up game.

"WHat? Of course not my love." Rey shakes her head.

"I didn't think so. Amara said you were, but I said she was wrong." Gemma says proudly.

"Did you now?" Rey asks as she strokes her daughter's beautiful ebony curls.

"Mmhm. I told her it was okay. You were just having another baby." across the room, Ben drops the toys he'd been picking up and they fall with a clatter.

"W-what?"

"Well you are. That's how you feel like. I remember when Meg was in your belly. That's what you feel like." Gemma shrugs. "Amara doesn't remember, cause she was too little, but I do remember, cause I'm a big girl."

"You are. You're mama's big, beautiful girl." Rey kisses her forehead, and holds her close, remembering when Gemma had first been placed on her chest. She'd been so small, and she'd looked so very much like her father. She'd loved her while she'd grown inside of her, but the moment she was in her arms, she'd felt that love swell to new heights she hadn't known were possible.

"Don't cry mama!" Gemma gasps, dropping her doll at once to catch the tears that had started to spring from her mother's eyes. "Papa, help! Mama's crying!"

"Sometimes, Gem, when mama is having a baby, it makes her cry even though she's not sad." Ben says as he kneels in front of them.

"You're not sad?" Gemma asks suspiciously.

"No sweet girl. I'm very happy. And I love you very much." The little girl holds her closer, and Ben wraps his long arms around both of them, holding them tightly to his broad chest. Rey grins even though she's got tears trailing down her cheeks. So many memories play through her mind, of evenings on the Rebel Base, and even during Gemma's first month of life back on the Finalizer. Her holding Gemma, so tiny, so light and precious against her chest while Ben held them both. The overwhelming sense of awe that the tiny life form inspired; the fact that the tiny, beautiful little girl had made her a mother. Had been the start of her own family.

When she glances at Ben, she swears his eyes are shining too. She kisses his hair, and then the crown of her oldest daughter's head, and lets herself revel in the overwhelming love she feels for them.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: Hello dear readers! Here's another one shot- This one takes place after the birth of their fifth child, Olivia Bail Solo.**_

 **Enough**

She stares at the pale green canopy over their bed while Ben sees the medic out. Their littlest daughter is fast asleep in the cradle beside their bed, her even breathing evidence enough of that. Olivia was only four months old now. She hadn't been in a hurry to have another baby or anything. It hadn't even crossed her mind yet.

But she'd come to know her own body over the last eight years, and she knew that something was off. Since Gemma had been born, she'd had regular cycles, the same time every month on the dot. Like clockwork. Unless she was pregnant, it was a constant. The first month after Olivia had been born, she had told herself it was fine. She was still recovering from birth. It would pick up again the next month. But the next month she'd tried to tell herself the same thing. The third month had made it difficult to believe the lie, and the fourth month impossible. Ben had insisted she see a medic to give her peace of mind, but it had done nothing of the sort.

She was twenty eight years old and she was barren. Hollow. Empty.

"Rey…" Her husband's voice is soft, but she doesn't move to look at him. She feels the mattress dip with his weight, and she turns her face to the other side, looking at her littlest daughter. Her last daughter. Tears well up unbidden. "Would you at least look at me?" She shakes her head. "Rey, _please!_ " His hand brushes her shoulder and she curls in on herself.

"Don't…"

"Rey, this doesn't change anything."

"It changes so much!" She scoffs. "I...I'm...I can't…"

"I know." He whispers. She can feel him reaching for her but she can't bring herself to fold into his arms. She feels the tears slipping down her cheeks faster and faster, but she can't bring herself to wipe them away. "Rey, this doesn't change anything. I still love you so much. We already have five perfect children. We have everything we need."

"But I'll never give you a son!" She chokes out, and suddenly he's pulling her to him, forcing her to look into his eyes as he cradles her face in his hand.

"When have I ever said anything that would make you think I needed a son? That I wouldnt love you as much if we didn't have one? When have I ever held one of our daughters, our beautiful, perfect daughters, and wished for something else?" He asks, his voice borderlining on hurt. "What did I do to make you believe any of that?"

"Nothing." She snaps. "And I know, it's stupid, and it's selfish, but I did want...I hoped...Force, you probably think I'm a terrible mother now, but I wanted a little boy too! Not right now, not even for a few years, but I thought…I just…"

"I don't think you're a terrible mother. I could never think that. From the moment you first knew you were having a baby, your every thought was to protect them, to love them, to give them everything. You were willing to give up everything for Gemma. I know you were."

"And I hid her from you in the progress. I never should have done that, you know. I should have told you about her as soon as I knew-"

"We've been over this before, and I'm tired of arguing over it! You did what you thought had to be done, Rey. You weren't trying to hurt me, you were trying to keep her safe. I can't blame you for that. Not when I was...when I was what I was then. Everything happened the way it had to happen. I firmly believe that. Even now, with...this new development, everything is happening the way it's supposed to." He realeases her face, and pushes a few strands of tear soaked hair off of her cheeks. "If anything, I'm sorry. I know you wanted a son, and I know that my contribution is what decides the gender-"

"Don't even say it! I wouldn't trade a single one of our girls!" She sits up suddenly and stares at Olivia in her cradle, still sleeping and blissfully unaware of her mother's grief. His arms wrap around her waist, drawing her back to his chest as he drops his head down to kiss her shoulders. "You...you're really not disappointed that I never gave you a son?"

"No, I'm really, really not." He insists firmly. "I wouldn't trade any one of them either."

"I feel rotten for crying about this. I mean, thinking of Rose and Finn, they never got to experience...and here I am with five beautiful children that we made together, and I'm crying because I can't have more." She feels her skin turn pink. The tears start to slow, but don't abate instantly.

"Don't feel bad. You're undergoing a change. Something you weren't expecting. You have every right to mourn for it." His words are accompanied by a peppering of kisses along her throat, and her hair. "Just, please...don't let it steal your light, and your joy."

"I won't." She says firmly, her eyes wandering from her daughter as she twists in his arms to face him. "I have enough, right here, right now. More than I ever dreamed of having. Our family...it's more than enough."

"It's everything." he nods, and she kisses him softly.

"You really don't mind-"

"Rey, I swear to the maker, I don't." He insists with a frustrated huff. "I have you. I have the girls. I have enough."

"Yes. Enough."


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Hello my dears! A fluffy little piece that takes place the night before Gemma's 5th birthday!**_

 _ **HoloVids**_

"She can't be almost five. I won't allow it." Rey whispers as she pushes play on another holovid of Gemma Bey. This one's from the resistance base, when Gemma had a flu, and Ben sat up with her the whole night, because she'd only stop crying if he was holding her, a fact that had made Rey a bit jealous at the time. But she'd pulled out the holocam in the morning because Gem's fever was broken, but she was still clinging so sweetly to her father, and he was staring at her with a look of such devotion in his eyes. Like he'd do anything for the precious baby girl in his arms. And tomorrow that baby was going to be five years old. "She was just this small, wasn't she?"

"Mmm." Ben grumbles, and pulls her a little bit closer into the circle of his arms.

"Remind me to thank Rose for insisting that I had to take all of these Holovids of the kids." She sighs as that one comes to an end and she lets the next one on the log start to play. This time she's laying on the floor across from the baby and making ferocious growling sounds that Gemma was trying so hard to imitate. She could hear Ben's rumbling laughter behind the camera, and she sees herself beaming up at him and then resuming her task. "Where does the time go?"

"It passes too damn fast." Ben sighs and ruffles his dark hair. "Five years old."

"I almost just started crying when I was tucking her into bed today. Suddenly I felt like she was going to be fifteen instead of five. Like she's just growing up too fast."

"I've heard that's what oldest siblings do. I don't know from experience of course, but people do say that oldest children tend to be more mature."

"She's such a good big sister. Amara and Meg both adore her so much." Rey grins.

"The feeling is clearly mutual." The holovid comes to an end, and instead of hitting play, she pushes herself up on her knees and wraps her arms around his neck. He draws her to him, his arms ensnaring her waist and pulling until she was sitting on his lap.

"Five years ago today I was trying to convince myself that I had to leave you the next day, for the good of the baby. Maker, Ben, I was so scared. I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to have the baby without you." She shakes her head, and he kisses her cheek.

"Well, you didn't."

"No, I didn't. You held my hand the entire time. Even though you were incredibly nervous." She smiles at him, and is rewarded with one of his own beautiful smiles, the kind that made her knees feel weak. "She really was a beautiful baby, wasn't she?"

"Yes. she's beautiful now, too. She just gets more beautiful because she gets more and more like you as she gets older." He pauses for a second, and then adds, "She's not allowed to see any boys until she's thirty. At least."

"That seems a bit hypocritical." Rey smirks. "Especially since I was only twenty when I conceived her. And we'll probably want grandkids one day, you know, before we're too old to enjoy them."

"I don't want to think about a boy looking at my little girl, much less…" He lets out a puff of air, and Rey bites back a smile.

"Don't worry papa. She looks at you like you hung the stars for her. You'll be the most important man in her life for many, many years." She assures him. "Until she finds a man who will love her the way that you love me. Our girls our growing up with an example of real love, and I won't let them settle for anything less."

"I love you." She tips her head down to kiss him, and then maneuvers so she's seated between his legs with her back pressed to his chest. She hits play on another holo and is delighted to see Leia parading baby Gemma around in a pink dress covered in pale purple flowers. "How many of these are you going to watch tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know. All of them?"

"You know we have over a hundred hours of these, right?"

"Just...Just the ones where Gemma is a baby." She finally decides. "Maybe a few where she's playing with Amara...oh, and we have to find the one where she got to hold Meg for the first time!"

"You know that my mother, and uncle, and the Damerons and the Ticos are all going to be getting here bright and early tomorrow, right?"

"I know. But I just…." Rey shakes her head as the video plays on, and when it ends she finds that Ben's already ready to play the next one. He wraps his arms around her, and she leans back into him as he presses his lips to her temple.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: This chapter is the first night Ben and Rey spent with baby Gemma on board the Finalizer!**_

 _ **If you have any one shot requests, fire away! I'd love to write what you want to read!**_

 _ **The First Night**_

 **The First Night**

They have a cradle for her. It's set up behind black curtains next to the viewport. But Ben won't let her go. And Rey can't stop staring at the tiny pink bundle in his arms as she lays her cheek against his shoulder. Their little girl- their Gemma- is milk drunk, and radiating waves of contentment as her brown eyes droop and then open wide, flashing from father to mother and back without ever really focusing. Her lips- perfect copies of Ben's- open to form a perfect 'o' as she yawns, and Rey can't help but grin at her as if she's done something wonderful.

"You should get some rest. You've been through so much." Ben whispers as he twists his neck so he can look at her. It's the first time he's torn his eyes from his daughter in hours.

"How can I sleep when that means I'll miss a moment of this?" She asks. "A moment where I have a family."

"You'll have us forever, Rey. You can sleep for a few hours, and you'll still have us when you wake up." He kisses her forehead gently.

"Will I? I'm almost afraid this is a dream...that I'll wake up back in my At-At on Jakku, that she won't be real, that I'll never have known you at all...that this was all some incredibly vivid fever dream." Rey admits pitifully. A glance up at Ben reveals that he's frowning. Slowly, he passes their daughter to her, and wraps both of them in his arms.

"Do you feel the weight of her against your chest?" He asks. She nods. "Can you sense her in the force? How vital and light she is?"

"Yes." She nods, breathing it in. He lifts a hand to tuck her face against his chest.

"And my heartbeat. Do you hear it?" She nods. "That's for you. And for her. Nothing else matters. But we are solid and real, Rey. It's all real. Every single thing that's happened since you left Jakku, the good and the bad are real. You're not there anymore. You'll never be alone again. Do you believe that?"

"I...Yes." She inhales against his chest, taking in the unique smell she knows is his and his alone. She turns her head just slightly, just enough to look at their daughter's tiny, perfect face again. "She's so beautiful."

"I expected nothing else from your child." he says softly, his voice filled with awe.

"Our child. Ours." Rey insists. "She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You deserve credit for half of her existence."

"I'd give more than half of the credit to you, Rey. You did all of the real work."

"And somehow she still got most of your features." She chuckles softly, finally yawning and betraying her bone deep exhaustion. "Would you take her?" He gently scoops her out of her arms at once, and she lies back on the pillows. She keeps one hand raised, lying on his arm, where her fingers can just barely brush the baby's tiny swaddled foot.

"Go to sleep Rey. We'll be right here when you wake up." he whispers, and she nods as she lets her eyes droop sleepily. She doesn't open them for several hours, and when she does, she sees that he's barely moved. He's shifted slightly, the baby is resting against his chest now, but he's still holding her. Something in Rey's heart catches at the sight of them. The little girl whose face is so much like the tired face of the man holding her, and the utter devotion in the man's eyes. A proper father cradling his daughter. She feels the tears coming and tries to choke them back, but finds she can't. A quiet sob breaks through her lips, and Ben turns his face to her at once. "Rey?"

"I- you- you love her so much!" Rey shakes her head and brushes away tears. "I see it in your eyes. You love her."

"I do." He says, almost warily.

"I'm so sorry." she manages between loud shuddering breaths that she's afraid will wake her little Gemma. He seems to sense this unease, and slowly rises from the bed to place the baby in her cradle for the first time. As he lays her down he brushes his fingers over her curly dark hair, and presses his lips to her forehead, and the sobs come even harder. "I'm so, so sorry!"

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asks as he comes back to the bed, taking her in his arms.

"For keeping her from you. For not telling you the truth. I should have told you right away- you had every right to know! You're her father- her father- and you love her!"

"Please don't apologize." He says, pressing his lips to her forehead. "You don't have to be sorry."

"Yes I do! I do! I was going to let another man raise her, Ben! Don't you see how wrong that was? I knew it was wrong, but I was too scared to take the chance and tell you-"

"I killed my own father, Rey. I can understand why you'd hesitate to tell me about her. I can understand why you'd think I wouldn't be a good father. Why you'd want me far away from her."

"But I didn't really want that! I just...I want her to be safe. That's all I wanted. And Poe was such a reliable option, and you'd just… just killed your father in front of me and I didn't know what else to do! All I knew was that I'd do anything for her. Anything." Rey says desperately as her fingers curl into his tunic, holding him impossibly close. "And I...I would have made you miss everything- you already missed so much-"

"It was my own fault, Rey!" He cries out and then looks at the cradle frantically, finding all silent and content there. "You wanted me to come with you. I refused. And then I...I did what I did, I hurt your friend, I fought you. Then we start appearing to each other and I beg you to come to me and let me train you, let you be my passion, almost like you were an object instead of a person. You even asked, after, If I'd come to you, and I refused again. You gave me the option of finding you, of seeing, and I refused in favor of the dark side. It's no wonder you didn't want to tell me. I don't blame you for it. I never have. I was upset when I first realized- but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how crazy I must have seemed. How unstable. How evil. How could you have wanted to invite such things into your child's life?"

"You were never those things. I always knew that- you couldn't hide the good in you from me." she pulls him even closer and presses her lips to his shoulder. "And it wasn't just my child. It's our child. Ours. and nothing you say will ever change the fact that I kept her from you. How can you trust me so easily when I-"

"Because I love you. Because I know you never meant to hurt me. Because you've let me see into your memories, and I understand exactly why you did what you did. You were scared. You did whatever you could to protect your- protect _our child._ I wouldn't have you do anything differently if I could change it. The time we spent apart...it gave me so much perspective on what was important to me. You were the first thing in over a decade that I ever wanted just for me. Not because you were my mission, or Snoke needed you. I wanted you. And I had no idea how to handle that." He pulls her up onto his lap as he speaks, cradling her with as much tenderness as he handled their daughter. "From the first moment you found out about our girl, you loved her and protected her. That's what a mother should do, Rey. And I saw how hard you struggled at times with not telling me. You wanted me to know. Really I should have known. I felt the changes in you, sensed so much. I was blind."

"Don't. Pinning any part of this on your shoulders won't make me feel better." She shakes her head. "But somehow, I think we won't ever agree on this. I'll always feel at fault-"

"And I'll never believe that's true."

"Ben-"

"What if we agree it doesn't matter now?" She looks at him dubiously. "I mean it. It's in the past, Rey. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I know now. And you gave us the most precious gift. That baby girl is the most beautiful, perfect, light life form in the galaxy. She's here now, she's with both of us, and we love her. That is all that matters. She is all that matters. We'll do anything we can to protect her, to make sure she grows up safe and loved and wanted in the ways that we never were. Both of us. Together."

"That's what I want for her." She whispers gently.

"That and some place green, Right?"

"Right." She smiles up at him, and he kisses her softly.

"One day I'll give you both that. You both deserve it."

"Only if you're there with us."

"I'm not going to be leaving either of you. Not now. I failed you once. I'll die before I fail you again."


End file.
